I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
