According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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