i would punch a child for taco bell
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
