You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize