he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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