So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize