is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
