so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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