i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize