Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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