Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
