fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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