tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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