My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize