We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
