what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
