So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
