eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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