CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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