youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
