just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
