My sheets look like a crime scene.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had to coat check the pizza.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
