So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
