im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
