i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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