Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
