our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
