I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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