We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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