Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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