he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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