He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
how drunk are you?
Several
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
