You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
