She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize