I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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