How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
