I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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