Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think people are normalizing furries
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
