discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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