also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
