Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
