you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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