Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
