Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
