The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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