Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
