I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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