It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
