GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
