just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
