i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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