i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
