If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
