Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
worst night to have a conscience
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
