i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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