Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
