You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
