In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
