Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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