I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
