mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
