one two three fourrrrnication!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
