Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
