If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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