your thong is hanging out like whoa
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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