it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
