David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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