one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
