Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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