I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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