dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize